« The Life and Times of Chemigram
or
The Tale of Mr. Painting-Physics and Mrs. Photo-Chemistry's Illicit Love »
to Hippolyte Bayard*
Once upon a time, there lived two couples. Although neighbours, they rarely associated with each other. The elderly couple's name was Painting and the younger couple's name was Photography. They had a lot in common. The husbands came from Physics and the wives from Chemistry, both realms with ill-defined borders.
Mr. Painting-Physic had a reputation for being glossy but could also be sticky and, with age, dry, hard and brittle. Mrs Painting-Chemistry, formerly Miss Pigment, was very colorful.
Mr. Photography-Physics came from the Optics family who specialized in the manufacturing of a marvelous instrument called " Camera* obscura ". His many friends nicknamed him Photo-Optics. Mrs. Photo-Chemistry came from the old Alchemy family. She was very sensitive, always avoided light, and was accompanied by her two aqueous servants Developer* and Fixer*.
In the Painting couple, people mostly admired Mrs. Chemistry, formerly Miss Pigment, and Mr. Physics always did his best to show her to advantage. On the other hand, in the Photography couple, Mrs. Chemistry lived in her husband, Mr. Optics', shadow.
The two couples lived a peaceful life until a fateful day in November 1956 when Mr. Painting-Physics met Mrs. Photo-Chemistry somewhere near the Black Forest. It was love at first sight. He revealed her true self. She drifted away from her husband who, in fact, was too busy fussing over himself to notice. She dared to expose herself in broad daylight. Mr. Painting-Physics slowly spread himself over her. Fortunately, Developer and Fixer submerged them and meticulously traced their every position into Mrs. Photo-Chemistry's sensitive coating.
From this coupling, Chemigram* was born.
At the christening, Mr. Painting-Physics decided to forgo calling him " Physico-Chemigram ", to everyone's satisfaction.
Like all illegitimate offspring, young Chemigram had as much difficulty being recognized by the Photography family as by the Painting family.
His father-in-law, Mr. Photo-Optics, reproached him for having freed himself of the family instrument, the camera. And yet, Chemigram knew all about the adventures of Photogram*, an eccentric member of the Photo family who had made a name for himself without the use of the instrument. Man* and Moholy*, two representatives of the Painting family, had even adopted him.
A few years later, Chemigram and his half sister Photo-Engraving, had an incestuous affair and thus begot Photo-Chemigram*. Chemigram even paid homage to the masters of the Photography dynasty.
In order to attract the attention of his father, Mr. Painting-Physics, Chemigram perfected the " Magical Varnish *" which made it possible to draw hundreds of parallel lines. His creator, too busy coating square miles of walls and canvas, brushed him away by saying " Go see your mother ". She, on the other hand, had once again been hoodwinked and enclosed in darkrooms, condemned to give birth to millions of young ones her husband, Photo-Optics, had fecundated.
As for his mother-in-law, Mrs. Painting-Chemistry - formerly Miss Pigment - she turned red upon learning that Chemigram was seeing the frivolous Trichromes of the Photo family. Chemigram reported that their colors could be fixed while pigments were always mixing with each other.
Changing times, however, brought the Painting and Photography families closer together. Pictos, cousins of the Photo family, began copying Paintings and soon after, members of the Painting family started stealing the tools and trade secrets of the Photo family who really didn't mind and, in fact, was quite flattered. Chemigram witnessed all these goings on with sympathy, after all, hadn't he been doing exactly the same thing since his birth ?
He was always warmly welcomed by his near relations Cinema, Graphic Arts, Silk-Screens*, Comics, Engraving and Design.
Chemigram kept his many friends in the Photo family although they were all quite busy strenghtening their latest gains : Museums, Foundations, Cultural Centers and Galleries.
His relationship with the Painting family, however, remained difficult. Chemigram always appeared in paper - the Photo family's uniform - while the V.I.P.s (Very Important Paintings) of the Painting family always wore canvas.
Nowadays, Chemigram is in his 30's, the age of reason.
The invaders, Laser and Magnetic, will soon free his mother, Mrs. Photo-Chemistry, from all her reproductive tasks and she'll be able to devote herself to more noble work.
Chemigram has many projects. He fondly recalls flirting with Computer* 15 years ago and is thinking of allowing himself to be programmed again.
He is going to resume his relationship with his great friend Cinema. He is also dreaming of enlarging the family of investigators that bear his name.
(to be continued)
P.C. June 28, 1987