"The Life and Times of Chemigram"
or
"The Tale of Mr. Painting-Physics and Mrs. Photo-Chemistry's illicit Love"
to Hippolyte Bayard
Once upon a time, lived two couples. Although neighbours, they rarely associated with each
other. The elderly couple's name was Painting and the younger couple's Photography. They had
a lot in common : the husbands came from Physics and the wives from Chemistry, realms with
ill-defined borders.
Mr. Painting-Physics had a reputation for being glossy but could also be sticky and, with age,
dry, hard, and brittle.
Mrs. Painting-Chemistry, formerly Miss Pigment, was very colorful.
Mr. Photography-Physics came from the Optics family specialized in the manufacturing of a
marvelous instrument called Camera Obscura; his many friends nicknamed him Photo-Optics.
Mrs. Photo-Chemistry came from the old Alchemy family; she was very sensitive, always avoided light and was accompagnied by her two aqueous servants Developer and Fixer.
In the Painting couple, people mostly admired Mrs. Chemistry, formerly Miss Pigment, and Mr. Physics always did his best to show her to advantage. On the other hand, in the Photography couple, Mrs. Chemistry lived in her husband Mr. Optics' shadow.
The two couples lived a peaceful life until a fateful day in November 1956 when Mr. Painting-Physics met Mrs. Photo-Chemistry somewhere near the Black Forest. It was love at first sight. He revealed her true self to her. She drifted away from her husband who in fact was too busy fussing over himself to notice. She dared to expose herself in broad daylight. Mr. Painting-Physics slowly spread himself over her. Fortunately, Developer and Fixer submerged them and meticulously traced their every position into Mrs. Photo-Chemistry's sensitive coating.
From this coupling, Chemigram was born.
At the christening, Mr. Painting-Physics decided to forgot calling him Physico-Chemigram,
to every one's satisfaction.
Like all illegitimate offspring, young Chemigram had as much difficulty being recognized
by the Photography family as by the Painting family.
His father in law, Mr. Photo-Optics, reproached him for having freed himself of the
family instrument : the camera. And yet, Chemigram knew all about the adventures
of Photogram, an eccentric member of the Photo family who had made a name for
himself without the use of the instrument. Man and Moholy, two representatives of
the Painting family, had even adopted him.
A few years later, Chemigram and his half sister Photo-Engraving, had an incestuous
affair an thus begot Photo-Chemigram.
Chemigram even paid homage to the masters of the Photography dynasty.
In order to attract the attention of his father, Mr. Painting-Physics, Chemigram perfected
the Magical Varnish which made it possible to draw hundreds of parallel lines. His creator, too busy coating square miles of walls and canvas, brushed him away by saying "Go see your mother". She, on the other hand, had once again been hoodwinked and enclosed in dark-rooms, condemned to give birth to millions of young ones her husband, Photo-Optics, has fecundated. Changing times however brought the Painting and Photography families closer together. Pictos, cousins of the Photo family, began copying the Paintings and, soon after, members of the Painting family started stealing the tools and trade secrets of the Photo family who really didn't mind and, in fact, was quite flattered.
Chemigram witnessed all these goings on with sympathy: after all, hadn't he been doing
exactly the same things since his birth?
He was always warmly welcomed by his near relations: Cinema, Graphic Arts, Silk Screens,
Comics, Engraving and Design.
The invaders, Laser and Magnetic, will soon free his mother, Mrs. Photo-Chemistry, from all
her reproductive tasks and she'll be able to devote herself to more noble work.
Chemigram has many projects: he fondly recalls flirting with Computer 15 years ago and
his thinking of allowing himself to be programmed again, he is going to resume his
relationship with his great friend Cinema. He is also dreaming of enlarging the family of
investigators that bear his name.
(to be continued) P.C. June 28, 1987
Illustrations by Antoinette Collin